My Two Parallel Lives

I live two separate lives. 

I was born in Paris. My mother is a Montrealer and my father is a Parisian. I lived in Paris until the age of 17, when my mother decided I should go to school in Montreal. It was tough for me. When you are a young girl of 17 years old, everything that counts is your friends; they are the center of your own world. It was also hard to deal with the feeling of fear. I was scared because in Montreal, I would have to deal with the unknown. I would have no friends, no landmarks. 

My first day at school was terrible. I felt lonely and lost in this different city, different country and different continent, where the culture and the mentality are totally different. Everything was different. I felt like I was not like all the other teenagers of my high school. They were all interested about me, because I was the new student, the "Parisian girl". It took a long time before I made new friends. I constantly felt lonely. 

To me, it seemed like I had to change a little so I could fit in the population. In a way, I liked to be different but at the same time, I did not. With time, my way to talk changed and my mentality changed. But I still felt lonely. It seemed as if nothing could change that feeling. I really felt like I wasn't home and I didn't belong there. 

When I went back to Paris for summer two years ago, I went back to my Parisian life. In one year, nothing had changed. I still had my friends, my bedroom stayed the exact same. I went back to my old Parisian lifestyle. I felt at home. When my plane landed in Paris, I told myself it felt good to be on the "territoire français", to be at home, where I know I fit in the population and I won't be different. I started talking as I used to talk with my friends before. 

When I got back to Montreal at the end of the summer, I was surprised myself to realize it felt like going home; a different one, but home. I felt lost. It was like having two cities, two countries, two homes, two lives. I started having more friends, I felt better in this city. I liked my school, I liked my new life let's say. When I left Paris, I felt uproot; and when I left Montreal to go to Paris last Friday, I felt uproot too...
I am currently in Paris. A year and a half has passed since the last time I came for summer.  And again, I feel like everything is the same. I still have my old habits and I still know where I am going when I walk throughout the city and I still know how things work here in Paris. When I got here, it took me one day to change. For example, when I am in Montreal and I speak French, I have a strong accent but not as much as when I am in Paris. Spontaneously, I get my strong Parisian accent back.

All this makes me feel like I have two homes. Every time I leave Paris, I am sad because I am going to miss the city; and every time I leave Montreal, I am sad because I am going to miss my home. 
My situation makes me think of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. They are two different characters and personalities in the same body. Jekyll does things when he is in Hyde's form that he would not do when in his original form. I do things when I am in Paris I would not do in Montreal and vice versa.